soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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