Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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