you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
