Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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