she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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