He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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