What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
