What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
