then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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