So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
