If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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