she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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