why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
