i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
