He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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