the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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