he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
