grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
