I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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