If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
