Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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