she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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