my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
