I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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