would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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