those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
