I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
me + whiskey = a bad person
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
