Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
