I hate all girls vehemently.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
