Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
