I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
