i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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