two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
