just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
