In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
