Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
