i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
