You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Randomize
