i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
