You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
