seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
