shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
