Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
God, I missed his penis.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
