I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
