By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
