Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
