last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
