his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
