I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
