I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
