i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
