it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
