Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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